Systematic Chaos

The pinprick of numbness overrides any other pain. Sitting inside the Yoga Insitutue, a 90 year old organization, I tried to re-establish the connectivity with my inner soul. The nagging doubt in mind about the way we are leading our lives manifested in me after the discourse. I was on a soul searching mission this week end. A lot of thoughts were going on in my mind, for which I had no answers. In short, it was pretty chaotic. Like the Brownian Movement of particles in Physics. Random, chaotic, yet with some predetermined outcome.

Yeah Right.

Individual life is the perfect example of Chaos theory and Butterfly effect. We tend to relate this to fate, naseeb etc. If we dwell deeply, we will understand that each and every thing that occurs to us is infact determined by ourselves years ago. A simple decision to stop cycling to soak in the pleasures of a 100kmph drive on a motorbike, will have its effect 10 years down the line in the form of elevated blood pressure. We miss the cue. We blame it on work tension. But the fact remains that its our decision to stop cycling, thereby becoming unfit, is the main reason.

We seek explanation for everything that happens in life, little realizing that we have the explanation in our mind. It doesnt need a spiritual awakening to understand this fact. The journey of life is all about self realization. It doesnt necessarily need to follow the beaten down path of spirituality. Belief in self is the best way forward. My current turmoil is largely due to lack of self belief. Faced with more than one problem at a time, mind tends to jump from one problem to another, concentrating on none of the issues. Therein lies the mistake. It will make the situation more chaotic. We have to pick up the threads(fibre) of our lives one by one.

Personal space is of utmost importance in these days. When we start paying more attention to what we do instead of why we do, life will be a lot more easier. Compartmentalize our thoughts. Prioritize the events. Enjoy what we do. May be these are the keys to a happy life. I dont say successful. Success is a mere state of mind. Happiness is what matters most. The more I think, more I realize that life is mostly cosmetic and materialistic. It is not supposed to be as serious as I thought it to be.

I can feel a slight thaw in my numbness. The warmth of blood flowing through my veins. I now believe that life is not very chaotic and I am able to find reasons for my utter helplessness. My mind is light now. If Brownian movement can help predict the way stocks behave on the exchange, self inflicted chaos should help in interpreting life in a better way.

The threshold of the Stairway to Heaven is quite within sight.

(End of Part II)

Comfortably Numb

40 months of working my arse off I realize that I am oblivious to the pain it causes.I do not contradict that many others have had theirs drilled down and riveted to the office chairs.This is neither a smear campaign nor about cribbing about one's job. Its about the Paradise Lost. I remember once I began writing on this topic and didnt bother to complete it. I now know why. The puzzle was incomplete then.

As a boy matures into a man, a man with responsibilites, there is hardly anything that interests him. I can now empathize with my father. God knows what all ambitions he had. What all he has sacrificed to just hold the moral fibre of a famliy together. The fibre has turned into a fine fabric, ready to be of help to someone.

A chat with a friend last weekend brought back some memories flooding back. This was a totally unprecedented conversation which suddenly shook me out of deep slumber. I have lost interest in a lot of things I used to do back in school/college.May be my dark overbrooding comes right from the ill-lit alleys of numerous hospitals we visited 4 years ago. Patience is something which I exhibit these days with many things. Being a full-blood libran, I am prone start an argument. Surprisingly, these days, I find myself not interested even in these arguments.

In short, I have lost the connectivity with my inner soul. A vibrant, happening, rolling stone (No no. Not reed/grass)attitude that is visibly absent. Some say this is an indication of having matured over years. I dont know. I dont know.

I would say I am comfortably numb today.

And I realize with numbness that I am trying to run away from the serious side of life.

(End of Part - I)

UID - Unique Identification Number

Mr.Nanden Nilekani will lead the special team for creation of UID. I know Mr.Nilekani would have hardly heard about our KEIS.That was my dream project from 1st year in college,which my friends helped me realize in my final year. Its a biometric, finger print recognition based security system for vehicles. That was the just the starting point.

The plan was to create an application that would act as the single, all-encompassing ID like the SSN number in USA, with which the entire citizenship details of a person can be ascertained within moments.It was also aimed to help the Police department as the finger prints from the ID cards will act as a Repository, which could help them in indentification of criminals or in case of an untoward incident, inform a victim's family. We also decided to add the personal medical details to the ID card system so that it could help every hospital to diagonise a person's status without referring to lengthy medical procedures incase of emergencies.

Innova Lab in my company was audience to a lengthy demo from myself and promised to look into possibilities with in. But that was 3 years back. A start up, by IIT-M students, have requested time to analyse the product,so that they could incorporate the code into their own products.

And I ran for a year, from pillar to post to file a patent for it.I couldn't get it done. The talks of UID has revived my interests again. Hope for an audience with Mr.Nilekani!

I am Imagining my India.

Pictures from my trip to Kerala

1. A beautiful mansion that caught my eye.

2.Not the over crowded Mumbai local.. but a real calm morning shot:


3.The sprawling lake, ever present coconut trees and dark clouds, impressive scenery from my train seat!

Moonwalked

Very few of us have the distinction of being able to Moonwalk on Earth. If there was one person who did it with elan, it was Michael Jackson. The legendary pop sensation, the king of dance and the ultimate entertainer is no more. The world is sad and music lovers are shattered. The iconic man might have been a mix of class and crass.. but his legacy lives on. I have benefitted immensely from his videos. Nihal and I, my schoolmate, have seen most of his dance videos at an age when we hardly knew english. We were so proud to be able to do the moonwalk on numerous festivals. MJ's used to be the opening song for all our dance performances.

The scandals and allegations not withstanding, MJ has been on top. We dont really care about them, Mikey!!! Who is not at fault, eh?

May you now entertain the heaven with your dance!

R.I.P