Sunday, August 9, 2009

Systematic Chaos

The pinprick of numbness overrides any other pain. Sitting inside the Yoga Insitutue, a 90 year old organization, I tried to re-establish the connectivity with my inner soul. The nagging doubt in mind about the way we are leading our lives manifested in me after the discourse. I was on a soul searching mission this week end. A lot of thoughts were going on in my mind, for which I had no answers. In short, it was pretty chaotic. Like the Brownian Movement of particles in Physics. Random, chaotic, yet with some predetermined outcome.

Yeah Right.

Individual life is the perfect example of Chaos theory and Butterfly effect. We tend to relate this to fate, naseeb etc. If we dwell deeply, we will understand that each and every thing that occurs to us is infact determined by ourselves years ago. A simple decision to stop cycling to soak in the pleasures of a 100kmph drive on a motorbike, will have its effect 10 years down the line in the form of elevated blood pressure. We miss the cue. We blame it on work tension. But the fact remains that its our decision to stop cycling, thereby becoming unfit, is the main reason.

We seek explanation for everything that happens in life, little realizing that we have the explanation in our mind. It doesnt need a spiritual awakening to understand this fact. The journey of life is all about self realization. It doesnt necessarily need to follow the beaten down path of spirituality. Belief in self is the best way forward. My current turmoil is largely due to lack of self belief. Faced with more than one problem at a time, mind tends to jump from one problem to another, concentrating on none of the issues. Therein lies the mistake. It will make the situation more chaotic. We have to pick up the threads(fibre) of our lives one by one.

Personal space is of utmost importance in these days. When we start paying more attention to what we do instead of why we do, life will be a lot more easier. Compartmentalize our thoughts. Prioritize the events. Enjoy what we do. May be these are the keys to a happy life. I dont say successful. Success is a mere state of mind. Happiness is what matters most. The more I think, more I realize that life is mostly cosmetic and materialistic. It is not supposed to be as serious as I thought it to be.

I can feel a slight thaw in my numbness. The warmth of blood flowing through my veins. I now believe that life is not very chaotic and I am able to find reasons for my utter helplessness. My mind is light now. If Brownian movement can help predict the way stocks behave on the exchange, self inflicted chaos should help in interpreting life in a better way.

The threshold of the Stairway to Heaven is quite within sight.

(End of Part II)